Dean's Attempt
by kutoki
Summary: Dean fall's into a depression after recent events and ends up needing to be saved. Undecided if the story will have a chapter two.


"Alright, let's be honest. If the situation were reversed and I was dying you would do the same for me."

"No Dean, I wouldn't. Same circumstances I wouldn't."

The words kept replaying in Dean's head and tore through his chest. Picking up his third beer he slowly took another swig to try to forget the conversation. He hadn't realized how long it had been since he had drunk that much alcohol. Slowly he stood up, feeling worthless and unloved; because to be honest his entire life had revolved around his brother and now that his brother practically disowned him he didn't know what to do. He slowly closed and locked his door and then started drawing angel wards in his room. A tear made it down his face as he curled up on his bed unable to figure out what to do now other than sleep.

"Dean, open the door Dean!" Sam shouted pounding on the door. "Stop acting like a child, we have a case."

"Take Cass with you, I think I caught the flu." Dean said, throwing in some coughs. Sam sighed but left, not wanting to deal with Dean right then, people were dying mysteriously in Tennessee and he needed to get there sooner rather than later. Dean stayed in his room for a whole week which worried Sam and Cass.

"What's wrong with Dean?" Cass asked worriedly, not seeing Dean for that long made him uncomfortable as well as the fact that Dean warded his room so he couldn't enter.

"I think it's probably what I told him." Sam said, nervously staring at Dean's door.

"What did you tell him?" Cass questioned, tilting his head to the side in curiosity.

"In a nut shell…I told him we couldn't be brother's anymore, that if the situation were the same I wouldn't do what he did and that he saved me for himself and not for me." Sam said, knowing it sounded harsh but also knowing that Dean would have just brushed him off if he tried to be nice about it.

"I understand where you're coming from Sam." Cass started out feeling like he understood both sides of the problem. "You also forget to think about Dean's side of the story." Cass explained.

"What, like he brought me back so he wouldn't be alone?" Sam glared, annoyed that the angel always seemed to take Dean's side.

"That Dean was raised to protect you. Your father may no longer be alive but it has been drilled into Dean that he has to protect you. His whole life has revolved around you and now you've pretty much disowned him and that you didn't love him." Cass said, feeling his heart break as he said what he knew Dean was feeling.

"I never said I didn't love him." Sam said sadly, "I will always care about him."

"Dean has more than likely interpreted everything you said in the most negative way he could. He may have brought you back because he couldn't live without you, which was selfish on his part but it's not his fault, not really." Cass said quietly.

"When was the last time he ate?" Sam asked.

"I haven't seen him all week." Cass said before adding, "I've been worrying about Dean so I watch his room every night and I haven't seen him all week."

"Hello boys, where's Squirrel?" Crowley asked, appearing next to them.

"What are you doing here?" Cass growled angrily.

"Came with the weapon the Dean needs to kill that bitch. What are you two girls gossiping about?" Crowley asked, moving closer to them.

"Neither of us can see if Dean is alright and we haven't seen him come out all week." Sam said.

"Why'd Squirrel lock himself in solitude for?" Crowley asked.

"I told Dean that we could work together but we couldn't be brothers anymore and that he saved me for himself because he couldn't stand being alone." Sam said.

"You do know that your brother hates himself right? Not for bringing you back but just in general. He hates himself more than I hate him. He's probably been thinking about committing suicide all week you nit." Crowley growled.

"Dean wouldn't." Cass said nervously.

"He's been a bit suicidal before has he not." Crowley asked and Sam thought about it and winced when Crowley had been right.

"How do you even know?" Sam asked.

"I make sure I do my research on hunters who cause me trouble." Crowley shrugged and disappeared swiftly.

"Where do you think he went?" Sam asked, even though he had a feeling he knew where.

"Hey Squirrel, I happen to have that thing to kill the bitch with." Crowley said.

"Why are you here?" Dean grunted as he sat up, pretending that he was fine.

"To give you the only chance of killing that bitch, also I seem to be the only one who can enter, I'm surprised you even made it so your boyfriend can't enter, why is that?" Crowley said, running his hands near the ward.

"None of your business that's why," Dean glared before lying down again, feeling too weak to sit up for long.

"This isn't healthy Dean." Crowley said bluntly.

"Why do you care?" Dean whispered, rolling over to face away from Crowley.

"You being the only one who can kill Abbaddon is one reason." Crowley said, smearing the ward so Castiel could enter.

"What's the other? That you care about me?" Dean snorted at the thought.

"Yes, it's probably some form of Stockholm, but I do care about you and Moose, even your bloody angel." Crowley snarled.

"Well, you're free to go, do whatever you want. I don't care, just leave me alone." Dean said as he covered himself with his blanket.

"Fine, I'll see you later Squirrel." Crowley said, unlocking and leaving via door. Before Dean could get up and close it Sam and Cass were inside.

"Dean what they hell is wrong with you!" Sam growled, pushing Dean against the wall.

"Apparently everything, thanks for asking though." Dean snarled, too weak from starvation and dehydration to fight back.

"Dean, when I said what I said, I didn't mean I didn't care about you." Sam said, trying to clear things up.

"Sure sounded like it to me. Now if you don't mind I have things I need to do so please get the hell out of me room." Dean murmured angrily, not looking Sam or Cass in the eye.

"Listen to me." Sam pleaded.

"No, you listen to me. I said get out and leave me the hell alone. If we're going to just be professional about work then you let me do whatever the hell I want to do." Dean snarled, trying to push away from Sam. Sam noticed that Dean was breaking a sweat just gently pushing Sam away. Sam looked at Cass, eyes full of worry.

"No! You need help." Sam started before being cut off by Dean.

"Oh and you think you can help me oh wise one." Dean said infuriated at how weak he was.

"No, I think you need professional help. What you're doing is not the way to go about this." Sam said, mostly holding Dean up at this point as his legs had given out.

"Why do you care? You've never really cared about me, not really." Dean said, a tear making its way down his face.

"That's not true Dean. I've always cared about you, but you went too far this time. You took away my choice. You forced me to live and now Kevin is dead." Sam said.

"I…" and with that Dean passed out.

"Sam, I need to get to him. He's close to death right now." Cass said moving closer to Dean. Sam nodded and allowed Cass to get to him.

"Why hello Dean." Death said as Dean walked into his childhood home.

"So I guess it's my turn to go with you then?" Dean said.

"I believe so." Dean said, holding out his hand to Dean.

"Sam, Dean isn't getting better." Cass said as he stepped away from Dean.

"What do you mean?" Sam asked, knowing but not believing.

"Dean is dying." Cass said.

"We need to talk to him." Sam said.

"I thought you said-"Cass started but Sam cut in.

"If you chooses to die that's fine but I'm not going to let him die thinking I hate him." Sam said.

"Alright," Cass touched Dean's arm and Sam's hand and soon they were at Dean's childhood home.

"Dean, wait!" Sam said as he saw his brother walking towards Death.

"I thought you weren't doing to stop me from dying." Dean snarled.

"If you really want to die I won't stop you, but I can't let you die thinking I hate you because I don't. You have always been there for me and I appreciate it. You were my mother, my father and my brother while I grew up and I learned a lot from watching you. I wouldn't be who I am today without you. You are important to me and I will always love you." Sam said, silently hoping that Dean wouldn't go with Death.

"I'm a screw up and that's all I ever will be. Dad always loved you more than me. I always reminded him of mom so I always tried to be that good little soldier so maybe one day he would treat me like how he treated you, but I will never be you, Sam. You're smarter than I am and a better hunter. You'd probably be just fine on your own while I…I'm so pathetic. I can't do anything right, I'm a failure as a son, as a hunter, as a brother and as a friend. I let an angel possess you so you could live, that same angel killed Kevin, who I was supposed to protect. I will always let everyone down, it would be better if I just went away." Dean said, voice making it obvious he was choking back tears.

"Dean, that's not true. You aren't a failure." Sam pleaded.

"Please just go." Dean said, keeping his eyes away from Cass and Sam.

"Cass, can you heal him if you do what Gadreel did to me?" Sam asked.

"I could, but I thought you said you wouldn't do the same thing." Cass reminded him.

"I won't let him die like this." Sam said, struggling to hold back his tears.

"Sam, I think Dean will always feel this way. It's just how he is." Cass said sadly, gripping Sam's shoulder to comfort him before stepping toward Dean.

"Dean, before you go. I need to tell you something." Cass said, causing Death to roll his eyes and sit down on the couch.

"What Cass." Dean said, just wanting it to end.

"You were the one who taught me about humanity. You taught me about love and loyalty. I won't stop you if your heart truly desires this, but I need you to know that I will feel a whole in my heart if you leave. How you feel about Sam is how I feel about you. I admire your bravery in all the battles you have fought; I admire how you can find comfort in the smallest things be it a burger or your vehicle. I even admire how determined you are to never give up. You are a part of my family and the thought of losing you is too painful to think about. You were always there for me; you are my brother that I will adore until the end of time. You have left your mark on me in ways you will never imagine. I'm still learning about humanity and I hope you will be there to help me through it all. I love you Dean. I need you." Cass finished. Dean turned around and stared at Cass and Sam who both looked hopefully at Dean.

"Cass, Sam can teach you everything I can't and you're a quick learner, you'll be fine." Dean smiled as he stepped closer to Death.

"Can I have one last hug then, if this is truly your wish?" Cass asked, cocking his head to the side.

"Fine, you get over here to Sam, this is the last hug you'll probably ever get from me." Dean sighed, unable to deny his need for at least one more act of affection. As the three got together for a group hug, Cass being in the middle due to his stature, a white light flashed and suddenly they were in Dean's room. Dean was completely healed and back to his natural weight.

"What did you do?" Dean cried out angrily pushing the two away from him.

"Sam did not wish for you to die thinking he hated you, Crowley would be pissed if the only person who could kill Abbaddon died and I made a selfish choice for myself because I couldn't stand the thought of losing you." Cass said, staring at Dean with eyes that showed no doubt or regret on his actions. Dean grabbed his coat and stormed off, unable to find solace in the fact that he was still alive. He now knew what Sam felt at his choice being taken away but Dean still felt the pain of Sam not wanting him to stay alive.

"I'm going to keep him company." Cass said and disappeared. Sam sat quietly on Dean's bed thinking over everything that Dean had said.

Dean was driving down the road to find a White Castle when Cass popped in sitting next to him.

"Are you made at me Dean?" Cass asked quietly.

"No, you were right to do what you did. Thank you." Dean sighed, knowing being angry at Cass for making a choice he himself made would be foolish.

"Can I keep you company for a while Dean?" Cass asked, staring into Dean's green eyes.

"Sure Cass, I could use the company." Dean quietly said as he watched the road.


End file.
